By Kohler
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What time do you have free? Having struggled through this opening snag, therapy has a chance to begin on a productive note. The most poignant discovery I’ve made in doing this type of telephone struggle is that the outcome has more to do with me than with them. They sense how convinced I am about what I’m saying and respond accordingly If you believe you need a certain grouping before it’s worth your time or their energy to begin, you’ll get it. It’s not a matter of bullying them. It’s an issue of your letting them know what’s important to you.
The limits are clear and agreed upon up front. I’m offering to get involved, but I retain the option of deciding I want out. It’s not a lifetime commitment. Lastly, there’s an exchange of money. This makes it clear that our arrangement is not one of unrestrained altruism. From this basic model, it’s easier to avoid the temptation of being coopted into a spouse, lover or sibling role. It needs to be clear that I belong to a different generation. That I’m operating at a meta-level to their living.
The things you lie awake worrying about at night. What your most personal fears are. Anything that would get us started. This way of beginning is really more complicated than merely focusing first on Dad. It’s really about pulling in and engaging the emotional outsiders. By getting them involved, the configuration changes. New potentials are opened. It’s standard for me to leave Mom and any identified patients for the end. I want to talk with all of the other family members before turning to them.
gestalt psychology today by Kohler
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